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Post by Rob Graham on Apr 1, 2020 0:36:41 GMT
As I am being drawn to the LORD, He is opening my eyes about why some if not all of relationships ended horribly, I am a very self-centered person. If I hear something that does not line up with my understanding I attack it. I don't just mean disagree with it and move on, but I snarl up and like a rabid dag I tear the absolute stuffing out of it whatever it may be, a new perspective on scripture or a life situation that I'm dealing with. Doug is doing the best with what he believes the LORD gives him. If the farm comes to past, great praise the LORD! if it doesn't then I will let God be the judge. He does a better job of it than me.
At the moment I am doing some step work in A.A. I am in recovery still and for me I can't drink, if you can, and not ruin your life with it then go right ahead just don't over indulge. I have demonstrated to myself time and time again that I cannot control my consumption of alcohol.
That's how I handled life, by using I didn't care what it was alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, crack, whippets, computer duster, I didn't care I wanted to self-medicate because that was "easy" for me. I got hurt growing up and most of it was due to my behavior around my peers. I wanted to make people laugh and they did laugh, just not with me it was more at me. I would go to extremes with my behavior and would look for someone to blame for some mess that I made to begin with.
Sure I was bullied, teased, picked on, and more but none of those things made me who I am today. The choices I made created my personality. There aren't two Rob's that's just silly but there are two natures and for many years I fed the wrong nature. I have to start putting Jesus first in my life and let HIM led me from there, the first thing I have to do is let the past go so I can repent and walk holy, that is the biggest obstacle I have because I hurt so many people with my sin. I am a weak man a sinful man I need Jesus and a new heart and new affections and for this old man to die. It's not easy A.A has a term called a spiritual awakening or a spiritual experience in Christianity we would call it Justification and Sanctification one is instant and the other is a process. I'm open to Jesus orchestrating this life which is really HIS life because I certainly didn't create myself. Lately I've been taking stock of who I am without HIM as a person and it's ugly I resort to old behaviors and attitudes and I become full of self again. Jesus I know you can make me whole and I ask the same way if your willing please make me clean Jesus and new heart with new affections. Give me rest Jesus come and take up residence in my heart and make my sins white as snow. Help me to forgive others in the same way you forgive us. Focus my mind on you Jesus and not this world. Set my heart on your kingdom and not what is temporal.
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Post by dominiquerhines on Apr 5, 2020 14:41:36 GMT
As I am being drawn to the LORD, He is opening my eyes about why some if not all of relationships ended horribly, I am a very self-centered person. If I hear something that does not line up with my understanding I attack it. I don't just mean disagree with it and move on, but I snarl up and like a rabid dag I tear the absolute stuffing out of it whatever it may be, a new perspective on scripture or a life situation that I'm dealing with. Doug is doing the best with what he believes the LORD gives him. If the farm comes to past, great praise the LORD! if it doesn't then I will let God be the judge. He does a better job of it than me.
At the moment I am doing some step work in A.A. I am in recovery still and for me I can't drink, if you can, and not ruin your life with it then go right ahead just don't over indulge. I have demonstrated to myself time and time again that I cannot control my consumption of alcohol.
That's how I handled life, by using I didn't care what it was alcohol, marijuana, cocaine, crack, whippets, computer duster, I didn't care I wanted to self-medicate because that was "easy" for me. I got hurt growing up and most of it was due to my behavior around my peers. I wanted to make people laugh and they did laugh, just not with me it was more at me. I would go to extremes with my behavior and would look for someone to blame for some mess that I made to begin with.
Sure I was bullied, teased, picked on, and more but none of those things made me who I am today. The choices I made created my personality. There aren't two Rob's that's just silly but there are two natures and for many years I fed the wrong nature. I have to start putting Jesus first in my life and let HIM led me from there, the first thing I have to do is let the past go so I can repent and walk holy, that is the biggest obstacle I have because I hurt so many people with my sin. I am a weak man a sinful man I need Jesus and a new heart and new affections and for this old man to die. It's not easy A.A has a term called a spiritual awakening or a spiritual experience in Christianity we would call it Justification and Sanctification one is instant and the other is a process. I'm open to Jesus orchestrating this life which is really HIS life because I certainly didn't create myself. Lately I've been taking stock of who I am without HIM as a person and it's ugly I resort to old behaviors and attitudes and I become full of self again. Jesus I know you can make me whole and I ask the same way if your willing please make me clean Jesus and new heart with new affections. Give me rest Jesus come and take up residence in my heart and make my sins white as snow. Help me to forgive others in the same way you forgive us. Focus my mind on you Jesus and not this world. Set my heart on your kingdom and not what is temporal.
Amen brother, amen. I love you Rob, wherever you are in the world. Just know that. I pray that my Dad would give you all the Jesus that I have, as much as you need even if I don't get it back. I pray that He would give you such a heart that you would fear Him and always keep His commandments, that it would be well with you and your children forever. I pray that the very love and heart of God would be in you, radiating and shining out of you in full measure, so that love God, love others, and love yourself even and Jesus Himself does.
Our God is a faithful and mighty brother. He shows mercy to thousands to those who love Him and keep His commandments. He is merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abounding in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children’s children to the third and the fourth generation.
I will keep you in prayer brother. Jesus loves you more than you know :-)
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